Monday, November 29, 2010

AN OPEN LETTER TO 2010 HULK HOGAN

Dear Hulkster,


I'd like to start out by saying I have the utmost respect for you. Any serious wrestling fan should. Your influence in shaping what the industry is today can not be overstated. You were absolutely larger than life for a few years and besides maybe The Rock, no one has even come close to what you did in terms of transcending "sports entertainment" and becoming an all around omnipresent pop culture icon. While I always preferred the Ultimate Warrior in my younger years (what can I say? He was colorful and yelled a lot), somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew that when you told me to train, say my prayers, and eat my vitamins, I should probably take heed.



But gradually, you faded from the spotlight. That's ok. It happens to everyone. While stories of Vince Mcmahon underpaying his guys in the old days are legendary, I have to believe you did ok for yourself. In addition to the huge paydays for headlining basically every pay per view for about 5 years, your likeness graced EVERYTHING. I'm pretty sure we were one wayward marketing pitch away from having Hulk Hogan condoms at some point. So unless you had the worst lawyer on the face of god's green Earth, you had to have come away from those prime years in the WWF at least FAIRLY comfortable. Right? RIGHT?



Well guess what? It didn't matter. A few years after it looked like you were done being relevant, you reinvented yourself. Around 1996, with WCW, you made everyone's jaw drop by becoming a villian for the first time in close to 15 years. And not only did you become a villian, you became the head villian, leading your group, the NWO, to major storyline success in WCW as well as major real life success against the WWF. Fueled by the ratings at least MOSTLY generated by you, the WCW gained a heavy lead in their head to head battle with Vince, and by some accounts, almost won.



Then the inevitable happened again. The NWO ran out of steam and once again, people lost interest. But something different happened this time. There were signs that you were reluctant to take on more of a part time role and let the younger guys shine. Even though you were 47 years old (no spring chicken, especially in wrestling terms) by the time you exited from WCW, you were starting to exhibit lots of signs that you weren't into being a team player. The NWO was often granted exceedingly large portions of the show to stand and the ring and talk endlessly about nothing in particular, often at the expense of some of the younger, up and coming talent (and WCW had a ton at the time. Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit anyone?)



And guess what Hulkster? I don't think this was all your fault. From the moment you got to WCW, I think everyone in charge inflated your head and constantly reminded you of what you did for Vince and the WWF. Then you managed to ONCE AGAIN carry a company to huge success, although for a much briefer period. So at some point, between those two amazing periods of success, it was probably very easy to start believing your own hype and thinking Hulk Hogan was superhuman and incapable of failure.



So what happened after that? I mean, I don't think it would be overly critical or unfair to say that 1996-1997 in WCW was the last gasp of your "glory days". But like the great, true showman you are, you STILL managed to squeeze out a couple more brief stints in the spotlight. For several years, you and your family had a successful reality show. While purists would argue this isn't necessarily a "good" sort of fame, it was a way to stay in the public eye and keep earning, which is clearly what you've strived for most this past decade. So if this accomplished what you wanted, good for you I guess. Even though it ended up casting a bigger public eye on your son's troubles with the law and your messy divorce.



You also made occasional appearances with the WWE again for several years. The biggest was of course your match against The Rock at Wrestlemania in 2002. And guess what? That's awesome. That's a dream match all us wrestling nerds were dying to see. And it didn't matter who won, because you guys were both already superstars. Good for you, Vince, The Rock and whoever else for recognizing the potential for a huge payday with that one and taking advantage of it. But I think most people would agree that probably should have been it for you in terms of high profile matches. You were almost 50 at the time and not exactly in peak physical shape. At this point you couldn't count all your surgeries on two hands, and your knees were already not well in 2002.





So what then? Well I certainly understand the need to continue earning. Especially when you feel your name/brand are still financially viable. But at some point, you'd think it would be time to take a secondary role. You've done a lot in this business and made a lot of money for a lot of people. Because of that, I'm sure there would have to be a decent office/executive job for you SOMEWHERE. And there would always be the option to make occasional appearances. The WWE does plenty with the group of "legends" they have on the payroll. But they don't put the "legends" in the middle of big storylines. They leave that for the younger/healthier guys (author's note: a recent storyline with Chris Jericho and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat is a rare exception. But it turned out Steamboat was still in tremendous shape and could still do almost all of his moves from the 80s. Hogan, on the other hand, can honestly barely walk at this point).

Instead, you gathered every washed up has been and never was wrestler you could get your hands on and staged the "Hulkamania" tour of Australia. The main event every night? You vs 'The Nature Boy" Ric Flair. What's your combined age? 120? Come on man. Let it go. You meant everything to this business . Now instead of bowing out and maybe becoming involved in a lower profile manner, you head to Australia and wrestle a dude in his 60's? Geez man. That's getting awful close to Randy "The Ram" Robinson territory, don't you think?

Which brings us to the present, and the reason I started this letter in the first place. At the beginning of this year, you signed a deal to be one of the bigwigs at TNA (Total Nonstop Action).
TNA is the second biggest wrestling company in the nation. But let's not kid ourselves here Hulk. It's a DISTANT second. There is a weekly television show, but it draws somewhere between 1-2 thousand people in the live crowd, as opposed to Monday Night Raw, which is regularly upwards of 15. There is a pay per view every month, but the buyrates are a fraction of what WWE does for even the lamest show.

So the powers that be decided to bring in the Hulkster, as well as your WCW partner in crime Eric Bischoff to spruce things up. Done right, this could have worked wonders. A veteran presence like Hulk Hogan mentoring some of the amazing young talent in TNA like The Motor City Machine Guns, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles seems like a can't miss proposition, right?

But man...I don't know when the hints of ego you showed in the 90s turned into a full fledged complex, but they sure as hell did. Your first two orders of business when you got to TNA were as follows:

-Ignored the wealth of young and in some cases homegrown talent and gave jobs to ALL your middle aged (and in some cases even older) friends, regardless of their history of drug addiction and unreliability (Scott Hall and Sean Waltman) or the fact that they literally gained about 200 lbs and look like beached whales (The Nasty Boys). Not surprisingly, almost all of these guys have been let go within a year, but that doesn't seem to stop your overarching need to live in the past.

-Secondly, you started taking personal pot shots at Vince Mcmahon and moved TNA Impact from its longtime home on Sundays to go head to head with Monday Night Raw. How long did that last? a month? There's that ego again. You couldn't just have your job and make TNA the best it possibly can. You have an insane thirst to live up to your glory days and be the best, even if you are in a position/with a company that doesn't really have the means to make that a reality.

Cut to this past October. I was watching Bound For Glory, which TNA markets as its big ticket pay per view event, comparable to Wrestlemania (a laughable comparison, but whatever). Your main event could have been a classic. It was a triple threat match between Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, and Mr Anderson. Jeff Hardy, while not a personal favorite of mine, is probably one of the most popular wrestlers of the past 5 years, and can steal the show on any given night. Mr Anderson, in my opinion, can and should be a world champion. He has interview/mic talents that I think rival the best in the business. As a heel, he reminded me a lot of The Rock. He has charisma to spare and can play the guy you "love to hate" absolutely perfectly. And Kurt Angle's talent can not be overstated. He is getting a little long in the tooth himself, but is still tremendously conditioned, and doubtlessly one of the 5 best active American wrestlers.

But instead of letting these three immensely talented atheletes do their thing, the match ended with...ummm...you and Eric Bischoff in the ring for some weird reason. And youultimately....are you ready for this?.....TURNED HEEL. And later you revealed your sinister plan to take over TNA from the inside. Man Hulk...this is sounding awfully familiar. In case you don't see where I'm going with this, let's do a little side by side comparison:







Looks similar no? Just with different supporting players. And that brings me to the overall point of this unexpectedly longwinded letter. It's time to stop, Hulk. I read the episode of Impact after your most recent heel turn did the best ratings in the history of the show. And that's great. But what does that really mean in the long run? I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I'm 99.9999% certain this record setting TNA audience was a fraction of the viewers you were drawing in the heyday of the NWO. And if that's your high water mark, then what now? I'll tell you what now. People are going to grow tired of you rehashing your glory days. I don't think it takes a crystal ball to see that. You're toxic now Hulk. You took what could have been a fun refreshing alternative to WWE and you're in the midst of sinking it with yours and Bischoff's massive egos. Mark my words. A year from now, give or take a few months, people will tire of seeing your old leathery face constantly on TNA tv and they will change the channel.



I'm no shrink, but to me it seems like you feel that if you're out of the public eye for too long, people will forget all the great things you did all those years ago. For me at least, the opposite is true. The more you embarass yourself in 2010, the less seriously I can take all your great moments from years past. Anyway, that was just my 2 cents. I'm sure there's nothing anyone can do to change your mind about the direction you're taking TNA. And that's a shame.



Take Care Brother,
Chuck

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