WRESTLEMANIA 3

Wrestlemania 3

Pontiac Silverdome (Pontiac, Michigan)

Original Airdate: March 29, 1987

Well, First off...hi. Happy New Year to everyone. I promised from the get go that I wouldn't always be able to get to this blog/project as frequently as I'd like, and I'd say I've definitely delivered on that promise thus far. Between the holidays, a temporarily deceased PC, and a death in my family, my goofy blog/project has had to take a bit of a backseat. That having been said, this is far from dead, and with the new year, I plan on watching lots of wrestling (some good, some not so good) and imparting to you, my several loyal readers, my hackneyed thoughts on all the tiny details. So, as I rededicate myself to this task I took on for no real reason, let's forge onward.

As I stated previously, the coming years will bring a huge disparity in the quality of product being put forth by WWF. Luckily, we start 2011 on a high note. The third Wrestlemania was, and probably still remains, one of the high water marks in the entire history of the company. At the time, the reported attendance of 93,173 at the Silverdome was the biggest recorded indoor crowd in history. While that number has apparently been disputed a bit in the intervening years, one look at the show reveals that even if they padded the numbers by a few thousand, there was still an utter mass of humanity present for this event.

And most importantly, the main storyline headed into the third mania was full of genuine intrigue. Hulkamania was now in full swing, but the Hulkster was set to face his gravest challenge in the 7 foot 500 lb (pretty clearly exaggerated measurements, but regardless, he was a LARGE man) Andre The Giant. In storyline, Hogan and Andre were formerly close friends, but Andre had allowed evil manager Bobby "The Brain" Heenan to get into his head and turn him angry and bitter. Andre had perfected a persona where he came off as good hearted, but easily swayed by bad influence. This was further reinforced by the part he played in the movie "The Princess Bride", which was released that fall.

Anyway, even casual fans of pro wrestling know what happened. Hogan slayed the giant, and even managed to bodyslam him (Andre clearly worked incredibly hard to help Hogan pull this off, but still). It's tough to argue that this was Andre's biggest shining moment in the ring, and some would say it may have been Hogan's as well. It was the perfect storm of a great buildup, the right venue, and a good match. Now don't get me wrong, in terms of the actual wrestling, this wasn't an all time classic. What makes it a solid, memorable match though, is the workrate. Both guys clearly wanted it to be great, and you can sense them both working hard to make the other look good and put on a great show.

In stark contrast, we have one of the preliminary matches between Macho Man Randy Savage and Ricky The Dragon Steamboat. And I'd like to use that as the jumping off point for the bulk of my discussion regarding this event. I've written a bit about both the Dragon and the Macho Man in previous entries, so I won't rehash. Their encounter at Wrestlemania was for the Intercontinental Championship. I haven't discussed the IC Championship at any length so far, so I'll give some brief background on it now: The IC championship is considered secondary only to the World Title. In non-storyline terms, if a wrestler was given the IC Belt, it was said to be a clear sign the guy was considered to be on the way up. And that has definitely held true over the years. A quick look at former title holders reveal a large percentage of guys going on to hold "the big belt". And the Macho Man was certainly on the way up. In fact, he was on his way to being arguably the 3rd most recognizable face of this whole era; behind Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior.

The significance of the Macho Man/Steamboat match is this: A large portion of hardcore wrestling fans consider it to be one of the best matches of all time. So my question here is this: In the context of the predetermined pro wrestling world, what makes a "great match"? Well, I would think that's at least partly a matter of individual taste. To the trained eye, the first very noticeable thing is that it is extremely planned. During the 15 or so minute duration, the two guys do a lot of things that are extremely acrobatic and elaborate. The match is elaborate to the point where it is easy to ascertain that the two of them sat down ahead of time and worked out the ins and outs pretty meticulously. So if spontaneity is your thing, this might not be your FAVORITE match ever. But it's hard to see any fan of pro wrestling being disappointed at two innovative, athletic guys in their prime clearly giving it their all.

Another somewhat intangible element of a great match is what wrestling nerds call "psychology". Essentially, this is meant to refer to the logic of what each wrestler does in a match. Since each guy is playing a character, everything they should do within a match should fit their character. The catch is that a character's psychology can evolve within any given match. In fact, in a really well done wrestling match, it should. For example: in this one, the referee "accidentally" gets run into (a very popular storytelling device in wrestling). While the ref is out cold, Macho Man hits Steamboat with his finishing move (a flying elbow from the top rope). Macho Man has Steamboat pinned for at least 10 seconds, but GASP...there is no referee available to make the count. To finish the match, Savage is attempting a seemingly mundane move, which Steamboat reverses out of nowhere to get the pin and win the championship. It makes great sense within the context of the match that Savage was thrown off guard by landing his finishing move and not winning, and therefore was distracted enough to allow Steamboat to take advantage.

Anyway, the point is that it's tough to say what makes a "great" match, but the Steamboat/Savage tilt is without a doubt at least a "very good" one. You can judge whether not it is one of the best on your own:

The reaction to Wrestlemania 3 was crystal clear. It was clearly the company's most ambitious undertaking to date, and it came off without a hitch. People wanted more WWF on pay per view, and that is what Vince Mcmahon started providing. He began adding shows pretty rapidly for a couple years. It's going to be interesting attempting to make some sort of dent in them, but I'm up for the task, so I hope you, my several loyal readers, are up for accompanying me. See you soon.

Card:
The Can-Am Connection (Rick Martel and Tom Zenk) def. "Cowboy" Bob Orton and The Magnificent Muraco (w/Mr. Fuji)
Billy Jack Haynes fought Hercules (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) to a double countout
Hillbilly Jim, The Haiti Kid and Little Beaver def. King Kong Bundy, Lord Littlebrook and Little Tokyo by disqualification
King Harley Race (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and The Fabulous Moolah) def. The Junkyard Dog in a "Loser Must Bow" match
The Dream Team (Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Brutus Beefcake)(w/Johnny Valiant and Dino Bravo)def. The Rougeau Brothers (Jacques and Raymond)
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper def. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) in a "Hair vs Hair" match
The Hart Foundation (Bret "The Hitman" Hart and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart) and "Dangerous" Danny Davis (w/Jimmy Hart) def. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) and Tito Santana
"The Natural" Butch Reed (w/Slick) def. "The Birdman" Koko B. Ware
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat (w/George "The Animal" Steele) def. "Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/Elizabeth) to win the Intercontinental Championship
The Honky Tonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart) def. Jake "The Snake" Roberts (w/Alice Cooper)
The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick) def. The Killer Bees ("Jumpin" Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair) by disqualification
Hulk Hogan def. Andre The Giant (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) to retain the World Championship

Next up: (THE FIRST) Survivor Series

AN OPEN LETTER TO 2010 HULK HOGAN

Dear Hulkster,

I'd like to start out by saying I have the utmost respect for you. Any serious wrestling fan should. Your influence in shaping what the industry is today can not be overstated. You were absolutely larger than life for a few years and besides maybe The Rock, no one has even come close to what you did in terms of transcending "sports entertainment" and becoming an all around omnipresent pop culture icon. While I always preferred the Ultimate Warrior in my younger years (what can I say? He was colorful and yelled a lot), somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew that when you told me to train, say my prayers, and eat my vitamins, I should probably take heed.

But gradually, you faded from the spotlight. That's ok. It happens to everyone. While stories of Vince Mcmahon underpaying his guys in the old days are legendary, I have to believe you did ok for yourself. In addition to the huge paydays for headlining basically every pay per view for about 5 years, your likeness graced EVERYTHING. I'm pretty sure we were one wayward marketing pitch away from having Hulk Hogan condoms at some point. So unless you had the worst lawyer on the face of god's green Earth, you had to have come away from those prime years in the WWF at least FAIRLY comfortable. Right? RIGHT?

Well guess what? It didn't matter. A few years after it looked like you were done being relevant, you reinvented yourself. Around 1996, with WCW, you made everyone's jaw drop by becoming a villian for the first time in close to 15 years. And not only did you become a villian, you became the head villian, leading your group, the NWO, to major storyline success in WCW as well as major real life success against the WWF. Fueled by the ratings at least MOSTLY generated by you, the WCW gained a heavy lead in their head to head battle with Vince, and by some accounts, almost won.

Then the inevitable happened again. The NWO ran out of steam and once again, people lost interest. But something different happened this time. There were signs that you were reluctant to take on more of a part time role and let the younger guys shine. Even though you were 47 years old (no spring chicken, especially in wrestling terms) by the time you exited from WCW, you were starting to exhibit lots of signs that you weren't into being a team player. The NWO was often granted exceedingly large portions of the show to stand and the ring and talk endlessly about nothing in particular, often at the expense of some of the younger, up and coming talent (and WCW had a ton at the time. Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit anyone?)

And guess what Hulkster? I don't think this was all your fault. From the moment you got to WCW, I think everyone in charge inflated your head and constantly reminded you of what you did for Vince and the WWF. Then you managed to ONCE AGAIN carry a company to huge success, although for a much briefer period. So at some point, between those two amazing periods of success, it was probably very easy to start believing your own hype and thinking Hulk Hogan was superhuman and incapable of failure.

So what happened after that? I mean, I don't think it would be overly critical or unfair to say that 1996-1997 in WCW was the last gasp of your "glory days". But like the great, true showman you are, you STILL managed to squeeze out a couple more brief stints in the spotlight. For several years, you and your family had a successful reality show. While purists would argue this isn't necessarily a "good" sort of fame, it was a way to stay in the public eye and keep earning, which is clearly what you've strived for most this past decade. So if this accomplished what you wanted, good for you I guess. Even though it ended up casting a bigger public eye on your son's troubles with the law and your messy divorce.

You also made occasional appearances with the WWE again for several years. The biggest was of course your match against The Rock at Wrestlemania in 2002. And guess what? That's awesome. That's a dream match all us wrestling nerds were dying to see. And it didn't matter who won, because you guys were both already superstars. Good for you, Vince, The Rock and whoever else for recognizing the potential for a huge payday with that one and taking advantage of it. But I think most people would agree that probably should have been it for you in terms of high profile matches. You were almost 50 at the time and not exactly in peak physical shape. At this point you couldn't count all your surgeries on two hands, and your knees were already not well in 2002.

So what then? Well I certainly understand the need to continue earning. Especially when you feel your name/brand are still financially viable. But at some point, you'd think it would be time to take a secondary role. You've done a lot in this business and made a lot of money for a lot of people. Because of that, I'm sure there would have to be a decent office/executive job for you SOMEWHERE. And there would always be the option to make occasional appearances. The WWE does plenty with the group of "legends" they have on the payroll. But they don't put the "legends" in the middle of big storylines. They leave that for the younger/healthier guys (author's note: a recent storyline with Chris Jericho and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat is a rare exception. But it turned out Steamboat was still in tremendous shape and could still do almost all of his moves from the 80s. Hogan, on the other hand, can honestly barely walk at this point).

Instead, you gathered every washed up has been and never was wrestler you could get your hands on and staged the "Hulkamania" tour of Australia. The main event every night? You vs 'The Nature Boy" Ric Flair. What's your combined age? 120? Come on man. Let it go. You meant everything to this business . Now instead of bowing out and maybe becoming involved in a lower profile manner, you head to Australia and wrestle a dude in his 60's? Geez man. That's getting awful close to Randy "The Ram" Robinson territory, don't you think?

Which brings us to the present, and the reason I started this letter in the first place. At the beginning of this year, you signed a deal to be one of the bigwigs at TNA (Total Nonstop Action).
TNA is the second biggest wrestling company in the nation. But let's not kid ourselves here Hulk. It's a DISTANT second. There is a weekly television show, but it draws somewhere between 1-2 thousand people in the live crowd, as opposed to Monday Night Raw, which is regularly upwards of 15. There is a pay per view every month, but the buyrates are a fraction of what WWE does for even the lamest show.

So the powers that be decided to bring in the Hulkster, as well as your WCW partner in crime Eric Bischoff to spruce things up. Done right, this could have worked wonders. A veteran presence like Hulk Hogan mentoring some of the amazing young talent in TNA like The Motor City Machine Guns, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles seems like a can't miss proposition, right?

But man...I don't know when the hints of ego you showed in the 90s turned into a full fledged complex, but they sure as hell did. Your first two orders of business when you got to TNA were as follows:

-Ignored the wealth of young and in some cases homegrown talent and gave jobs to ALL your middle aged (and in some cases even older) friends, regardless of their history of drug addiction and unreliability (Scott Hall and Sean Waltman) or the fact that they literally gained about 200 lbs and look like beached whales (The Nasty Boys). Not surprisingly, almost all of these guys have been let go within a year, but that doesn't seem to stop your overarching need to live in the past.

-Secondly, you started taking personal pot shots at Vince Mcmahon and moved TNA Impact from its longtime home on Sundays to go head to head with Monday Night Raw. How long did that last? a month? There's that ego again. You couldn't just have your job and make TNA the best it possibly can. You have an insane thirst to live up to your glory days and be the best, even if you are in a position/with a company that doesn't really have the means to make that a reality.

Cut to this past October. I was watching Bound For Glory, which TNA markets as its big ticket pay per view event, comparable to Wrestlemania (a laughable comparison, but whatever). Your main event could have been a classic. It was a triple threat match between Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, and Mr Anderson. Jeff Hardy, while not a personal favorite of mine, is probably one of the most popular wrestlers of the past 5 years, and can steal the show on any given night. Mr Anderson, in my opinion, can and should be a world champion. He has interview/mic talents that I think rival the best in the business. As a heel, he reminded me a lot of The Rock. He has charisma to spare and can play the guy you "love to hate" absolutely perfectly. And Kurt Angle's talent can not be overstated. He is getting a little long in the tooth himself, but is still tremendously conditioned, and doubtlessly one of the 5 best active American wrestlers.

But instead of letting these three immensely talented atheletes do their thing, the match ended with...ummm...you and Eric Bischoff in the ring for some weird reason. And youultimately....are you ready for this?.....TURNED HEEL. And later you revealed your sinister plan to take over TNA from the inside. Man Hulk...this is sounding awfully familiar. In case you don't see where I'm going with this, let's do a little side by side comparison:

Looks similar no? Just with different supporting players. And that brings me to the overall point of this unexpectedly longwinded letter. It's time to stop, Hulk. I read the episode of Impact after your most recent heel turn did the best ratings in the history of the show. And that's great. But what does that really mean in the long run? I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I'm 99.9999% certain this record setting TNA audience was a fraction of the viewers you were drawing in the heyday of the NWO. And if that's your high water mark, then what now? I'll tell you what now. People are going to grow tired of you rehashing your glory days. I don't think it takes a crystal ball to see that. You're toxic now Hulk. You took what could have been a fun refreshing alternative to WWE and you're in the midst of sinking it with yours and Bischoff's massive egos. Mark my words. A year from now, give or take a few months, people will tire of seeing your old leathery face constantly on TNA tv and they will change the channel.

I'm no shrink, but to me it seems like you feel that if you're out of the public eye for too long, people will forget all the great things you did all those years ago. For me at least, the opposite is true. The more you embarass yourself in 2010, the less seriously I can take all your great moments from years past. Anyway, that was just my 2 cents. I'm sure there's nothing anyone can do to change your mind about the direction you're taking TNA. And that's a shame.

Take Care Brother,
Chuck

THE BIG EVENT

The Big Event
Exhibition Stadium (Toronto, Ontario)
Original Airdate: August 28, 1986

Look...I know it's been awhile. And for that I apologize. I really enjoy writing in this blog, and I don't think I'm going to lose interest anytime soon. So if you have some interest in this, my little pet project, just stay with me. It will move along, albeit at a sometimes slower place.

I also realize this is not technically a pay per view event. I am including it for a couple of reasons. First, I figured since it was a whole year between honest to god pay per views at this point, it might be fun to take a little pit stop. Secondly, I very distinctly remember renting this tape from our local video store at least 5 times as a young kid, so I thought it would be fun to revisit.

It's funny what you look forward to when you're little, isn't it? I remember when my mom would take me and let me rent a wrestling tape. I had 24 hours with that thing, and honest to god, I would watch it at least twice in that 24 hours. Sometimes thrice. Despite how that sounds, I also enjoyed playing outside. (just wanted to clear that up) Anyway, take "The Big Event" for example. On the surface, there is really nothing special about it. I think the announcers claim it set some sort of attendance record (if it did, the record was promptly broken by Wrestlemania 3). Other than that, it's really just a house show that was taped in front of 60some thousand people. (wrestling geek term alert: a "house show" is a live event not taped or shown live on television. generally, the results of house shows have little no bearing on the overall storylines. Because of this, they are often criticized for being boring). There were no title changes. In fact, there was only one title match.

But that didn't matter. Despite the inclusion of such C list mid-80's talent as "Iron" Mike Sharpe (most famous for his onscreen claim to having a wrist injury for something like 5 years) and Ted Arcidi (umm...who?), I remember watching this like it was the biggest pro wrestling card to ever come down the pike. Amazingly enough, my childhood favorite (The Ultimate Warrior, if you're curious. But more on that later) wasn't even involved. (he hadn't yet come to WWF).

What sort of point am I trying to make here? I guess just that its funny how devoted a young kid can be to one thing. And I was nothing if not devoted. I had all the merchandise (at least whatever I could get my mom to buy me) and I honestly spent a lot of time thinking about wrestling (I mean, what was I going to think about instead? school?). When I got to a certain age, I even had a notebook where I wrote down tons of dream matches and cards. I'm not really sure what happened to that notebook, but hopefully it got destroyed. Its existence in 2010 would be fairly embarrassing. Like I said way back in my introduction post, I still watch a ton of wrestling, but it certainly doesn't rule my thoughts, like it once did. But for a few magical years in the late 80s/early 90s, all that mattered to me was whether or not I'd have time to watch King Harley Race vs Pedro Morales once more before the video store closed.

Card:
The Killer Bees (Jumpin' Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair) def. The Funk Brothers (Hoss Funk and Jimmy Jack Funk)(w/ Jimmy Hart)
The Magnificent Muruco (w/Mr Fuji) fought King Tonga to a time limit draw
Ted Arcidi def. Tony Garea
The Junkyard Dog def. Adrian Adonis by countout
"The Rebel" Dick Slater def. "Iron" Mike Sharpe
Bobby "The Brian" Heenan, Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy def. Lou Albano and The Machines (Super Machine and Big Machine) (w/Giant Machine) by disqualification
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat def. Jake "The Snake" Roberts in a Snake Pit match
Billy Jack Haynes def. Hercules Hernandez
The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (Jacques and Raymond) def. The Dream Team (Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Brutus Beefcake)
King Harley Race def. Pedro Morales
Hulk Hogan def. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff (w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) by disqualification

NEXT: WRESTLEMANIA 3

WRESTLEMANIA 2

Wrestlemania 2

Nassau Coliseum (Uniondale, New York)

The Rosemont Horizon (Rosemont, Illinois)

LA Sports Arena (Los Angeles, California)

Original Airdate: April 7, 1986

Year number 2 of the WWF pay per view has begun. (Although, if you want to get technical, Wrestlemania 1 was only on PPV in select markets, so really the Wrestling Classic was the first nationwide PPV). For the second edition of the grandaddy of them all, it is clear Vince Mcmahon was looking for ways to outdo himself. In typical 1980's "more more more" fashion, it was decided that Wrestlemania 2 would be simulcast from 3 different locations spanning the whole country. And I'm not sure if I'm in the minority or not, but I consider this experiment to be a resounding failure. I suppose the powers that be did as well, because to my knowledge, this was the first and only time it was attempted.

I'll be blunt. I think this is one of the absolute weakest Wrestlemanias. I did when I first watched it as a young kid, and revisiting it this week did nothing to change my opinion. The first problem has to do with the format. The jumping of locations affords the show no flow whatsoever. And because it was so spread out, they also had to use 3 different announce teams. It would be charitable to say they scrape the bottom of the barrel with these. People like future Minnesota governor and paranoid nutjob Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Mcmahon himself are more than passable, but whose bright idea was it to give late night schlock horror tv host Elvira a microphone? A recurring trend (at least to me) in pro wrestling is the better the announcing, the more enjoyable the match, and I think this is really the first pay per view I watched where that rings true. I just wanted Elvira, Cathy Lee Crosby (WHO?) and a couple others to shut up (so much so that it took me out of the in ring action).

And there's not even a ton to be enthralled with in the ring, either. This show continues early WWF tradition of having way too many matches, to the point where no one is able to tell a good story in the ring. The opening match from Long Island between Paul Orndorff and Magnificent Muraco lasts less than 5 minutes and ends with a bizarre double countout. Nowadays, it is standard practice for a PPV to start with a high energy match that might go 15 minutes or something to really get the crowd involved. The Orndorff/Murcao match induced nothing in me besides a shrug and a slight yawn. The same goes for several of the other 11 bouts including a flag match between Corporal Kirchner (a second rate Sgt. Slaughter) and Nikolai Volkoff and a blinkandyoullmissit woman's match featuring the Fabulous Moolah. One of the few bright spots is a battle royal (a match where a whole bunch of guys are in the ring and the only way to lose is to get thrown over the top rope. last man standing wins) featuring some NFL players as well as future megastar Bret "The Hitman" Hart (making his first PPV appearance). I also liked the tag team title match where The British Bulldogs came away with the belts (despite his talent, this would prove to be the Dynamite Kid's only real taste of mainstream success) and the main event between Hulk Hogan and King Kong Bundy in a steel cage. It is an interesting, early prototype of the format that made WWF huge in the coming years, which was the Hulkster overcoming a seemingly impossible challenge, and triumphing in the name of all that is good and right. (this may sound like hyperbole, but Hulk Hogan really was that big at one time)

I also didn't like the fact that no ring entrances were included, as well as very few interviews or backstage segments. I think it served to make an already choppy show due to the different locations even choppier. I'm not sure if this is how the show was presented originally, but if so, it was definitely a misstep, and once again, to my knowledge, it was not one that was ever repeated.

So here we have, what was, for the most part, a step backwards, for Wrestlemania. But fear not, loyal readers (all 3 of you), we are about to enter an absolute prime period for WWF, where they began firing on all cylinders. And to me, this period began with Hulk Hogan and a 500 lb giant from the French Alps meeting face to face in front of 80,000 people. But hold on...we aren't quite there yet. Soon though. I advise you to put on your bright red Hulk Hogan bandanna in preparation.

Card:

(Nassau Coliseum)

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff fought The Magnificent Muraco to a double countout

"Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) def. George "The Animal" Steele to retain the Intercontinental Championsip

Jake "The Snake" Roberts def. George Wells

Mr. T (w/Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) def. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (w/ "Cowboy" Bob Orton and Lou Duva) by disqualification in a boxing match

(Rosemont Horizon)

The Fabulous Moolah def. Velvet McIntyre to retain the Womans Championship

Corporal Kirchner def. Nikolai Volkoff in a flag match

Andre The Giant won a 20 man battle royal, last eliminating Bret "The Hitman" Hart (other participants: Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, "Jumpin" Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino and Willaim "The Refrigerator" Perry)

The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (w/Ozzy Osbourne and Capt. Lou Albano) def. The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine) (w/ Johnny Valiant) to win the Tag Team Championships

(LA Sports Arena)

Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat def. Hercules Hernandez

Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) def. Uncle Elmer

Terry and Hoss Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart) def. The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

Hulk Hogan def. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) in a steel cage match to retain the World Championship

Next Up: The Big Event

THE WRESTLING CLASSIC

The Wrestling Classic

The Rosemont Horizon (Rosemont, Illinois)

Original airdate: November 7, 1985

"What the hell is this?", you may ask. That is a natural reaction. The "1st Annual" Wrestling Classic (or as I've come to call it, "the 1985 pay per view that time forgot") is oft overlooked, but I plan to leave no stone unturned in pursuit of completing this blog/project so here we are.

Unlike Wrestlemania, The Wrestling Classic was conceptual. Almost all of the matches were part of a 16 man single elimination tournament, the winner of which would receive...well...nothing as far as I can tell. I guess at this point the writers hadn't figured out that to make something like that engaging, there really needs to be something at stake. It's very easy. Give the winner a guaranteed title shot and all of the sudden it's WAY easier to be invested in the outcome of the tournament.

This time, however, the only prize at stake was a Rolls Royce that was supposedly being given away in a sweepstakes, with the winner to be announced at the PPV. I'm fairly certain this was all a work, but if it wasn't, how quick do you think the winner turned around and sold that bad boy? I can't see a random wrestling viewer tooling around his neighborhood in a 200 thousand dollar luxury car. Whether it was real or not, the segment on the show where they announced the winner was agonizing, and clearly the crowd agreed because there were plenty of "boos" and some trash was even thrown at the ring. Wikipedia says that segment was cut due to time constraints in the original PPV broadcast, and it probably should have stayed cut.

Anyway, in terms of the actual product, the slight progress from Wrestlemania toward the heyday of WWF is apparent, but this show is definitely still a crude early version of what would come later. The production values are still very shoddy, with everything being a little too dimly and the ring once again looking super cheap.

The actual wrestling takes a step in the right direction this time, but the concept is too ambituous. All told, there are 15 matches on a 150 minute card. So when you factor in backstage segments and that goofy Rolls Royce giveaway, no one was really given time to tell much of a story in any one match. There are also a lot of strange, anti-climactic endings to some of the matches. In wrestling terms, these are known as "non-finishes", or matches that don't end with a decisive winner.

Probably the most significant aspect of this show is it marked the PPV debut of one of the biggest superstars of the 1980's, "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Like Hulk Hogan, Macho Man is a household name, and even here, early on, it's clear there is something different about him. He was very athletic and did moves in the ring that you didn't see much in the WWF at the time (at least not on this card), and he gave a great interview. It was sometimes hard to determine what in the heck he was talking about, but that didn't matter. Macho Man had IT. He was magnetic. He very clearly represented the new wave of wrestlers that would propel the WWF to the next level.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have Macho Man's opponent in the first round of the tournament; "The Polish Hammer" Ivan Putski. This match, even though it was short, was to me a telling representation of what was going on within the company at that time. Putski clearly represented the old guard. He had a stocky, bodybuilder's frame, wore simple red trunks to the ring, and sported a slicked back 50's style hairdo surely held back by at least half a container of Brill cream. Macho Man was his complete antithesis. He wore loud sequined outfits with bright colors, and jumped around the ring with ease, as opposed to Putski's Greco Roman inspired mat based moves. And just like what would ultimately happen in the business, the old guard was disposed with ease in about 3 minutes.

Another notable performer making his first PPV appearance here is a guy named The Dynamite Kid. Casual wrestling fans wouldn't know the Dynamite Kid, but fans of the industry regard him as one of the greatest, most influential in ring performers in history. Unfortunately for Dynamite, he was incredibly self destructive and is apparently now destitute and confined to a wheelchair. Chris Benoit, who was also regarded as an incredible performer before going down an extremely dark path of his own, cited Dynamite as his biggest influence in the ring. Here though, Dynamite was in fine form, even though he was pretty clearly already abusing steroids. The finish of his semi-final match with Savage is original and interesting and surely the best of the whole show.

For anyone interested, the tournament was won by the Junkyard Dog. JYD was immensely popular for awhile, and honestly, I never understood it. He was a portly, affable seeming guy from the Carolinas somewhere with the voice of an old bullfrog and the word THUMP (his catchphrase) written across the back of his wrestling gear. He could never really do much in the ring (his finishing move was a headbutt), but that didn't stop the fans from cheering pretty loudly for him. (sidenote: JYD was killed in a car crash in 1998. His death was one of the very few untimely passings of a wrestler that wasn't presumed to be died to drug/steroid abuse)

Oh, and in case you were wondering, some guy name Mike from Illinois "won" the "Rolls Royce".

Enjoy your weekend!

Card:

(Tournament first round)

Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) def. Corporal Kirchner

The Dynamite Kid def. Nikolai Volkoff

"Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) def. "The Polish Hammer" Ivan Putski

Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat def. Davey Boy Smith

The Junkyard Dog def. The Iron Sheik

Moondog Spot def. Terry Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart) by countout

Tito Santana def. The Magnificent Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji)

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff def. "Cowboy" Bob Orton by disqualification

(Tournament quarter finals)

The Dynamite Kid def. Adrian Adonis

"Macho Man" Randy Savage def. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

The Junkyard Dog def. Moondog Spot

Tito Santana and "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff fought to a double countout

World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan def. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper by disqualification

(Tournament semi-finals)

"Macho Man" Randy Savage def. The Dynamite Kid

(Tournament finals)

The Junkyard Dog def. "Macho Man" Randy Savage by countout

Next up: Wrestlemania 2

A VICTORY FOR DEMOCRATS, AND GOOD WRESTLING

So I'm about halfway through my second pay per view, so that entry should be up soon, but to fill the gap, I thought I'd write quickly about yesterday, which could prove to be a fairly significant day in WWE history.

As most not living under a rock are aware, yesterday was midterm election day and some important races were decided across the US. My adopted home state of Pennsylvania swung Red, which is disheartening, but that is a discussion for another time. Anyway, anyone who follows the WWE (and probably anyone who makes a habit 0f watching the national news) knows, company CEO Vince Mcmahon's wife made a bid for a US Senate seat in her home state of Connecticut. And, well, as most people now know...she lost.



Obviously, I didn't know a ton about the particulars of the race, because it was not taking place in my home state, but to a casual observer, her loss certainly makes sense. Her previous political experience and qualifications for the job were dubious at best. Her campaign ads stressed her strong leadership of the WWE, some even explicitly said she "cleaned it up". Now, the inner workings and heirarchy of the company aren't abundantly clear to outsiders, but I, like most people, thought Vince was still pretty much the main guy, so I couldn't tell if these ads were just all hot air. Clearly most of Connecticut thought so. A lot of recaps of the election I've read this morning have indicated the Mcmahons more or less threw a ton of money at the wall and attempted to buy her this seat, and it didn't work.

All that aside, the notion that she "cleaned up the WWE" is the main thrust of this writing. Maybe 12-18 months ago, the WWE started on a very public campaign to tone down their product to achieve the rating of "TV-PG". Ostensibly, the reason given for this was to expand their potential advertisers, but I don't think it was too hard to see the truth. It was a calculated move made in concert with the start of Linda's campaign to win the Republican primary. It was clear her advisors wanted the product she peddles to come off as un-smutty as possible. The funny thing is, of COURSE it didn't work. Seemingly every knock on her came from her association with the WWE. That was going to happen no matter how family friendly they made WWE product, because ultimately, she has zero political experience. She has never been anything but the WWE guy's wife, so clearly any attacks or counterpoints toward her were going to take that and focus on it, whether her wrestlers were saying the word "ass" on television or not.

I'm not suggesting WWE product has to be needlessly tasteless at every turn, but I do think making everything as toothless as possible has done some damage. The picky choosy, slightly hypocritical nature of the censorship was sort of bothersome as well.

Some examples:

-Stone Cold Steve Austin's trademark catchphrase "can of whoop-ass" was censored in the 10 o clock tv hour. That's a word that can be said pretty much any time of the day on any channel. Hell, it's barely a curse word anymore. In fact, this summer, there was a MOVIE called "Kick Ass" with ads at every bus stop in the city of Philadelphia in plain view of folks of any age. Once again, I'd like to stress that I'm not advocating being tasteless just for the sake of it, but taking it insanely to the other extreme is not necessary either. The thrust of pro wrestling has always been to tell a story with engaging characters, and Stone Cold Steve Austin (one of the most popular characters in the entire history of the business) is a beligerent, trashmouthed redneck. Let him be who he is, especially when who he is made the company boatloads of money.

-Triple H has been one of the more popular wrestlers of the past 15 years. He is also famously married to Vince and Linda's daughter Stephanie (after spending some time with the ambiguously genitaliaed man beast known as Chyna, but that's neither here nor there), which essentially gives him carte blanche in the locker room and basically makes him part heir to the whole kingdom. Anyway, I thought it was suspect that in the midst of doing little nitpicky things like renaming John Cena's "F.U." finishing move "the attitude adjustment", Triple H was still allowed to parade around in a D-Generation X tshirt which read "World's Largest Member" (teeheehee). Is that really any more suggestive or "dirty" than calling a move "the F.U."? I certainly don't think so. But I guess we can write this one off as standard nepotism.

-the most puzzling to me (and I swear I'm not trying to score any points with the feminist community here) is the fact that the WWE female roster hasn't even been a little regulated. They're still allowed to jump around in next to nothing and strike all sorts of sexually suggestive poses on the way to the ring and mid-match. I'm certainly not offended by this. In fact, sometimes it's not half bad. The point I'm trying to make is these inconsistencies enforce the (apparently mis)calculated nature of this whole move.

So the logical question to conclude is "Where do we go from here?". Now that Linda's political aspirations are dashed, does the WWE head back to the status quo? My feeling is "yes". While I doubt they will ever go back to being as racy as the late 90's "Attitude era" (maybe the most commercially prosperous era of the company, but I'll get into that a lot more somewhere down the line), but I suspect the reins will get loosened fairly quickly. If it helps the story of a match to have a wrestler bleed, they will bleed. If it makes sense within the context of a wrestler's character for him to say "hell" or (GASP) "ass", he will. I may be completely offbase, but I think as far as wrestling fans go, this is the possible result for the Connecticut election. (even if the other guy lied about serving in Vietnam)

Glossary of terms

So before I continue, I think I'll throw out a couple definitions of basic wrestling lingo, just in case. I figure anything further than this can probably be explained in the context of a given blog entry, but here are a few basics at least:

heel - 'bad guy' or villianous wrestler
face or babyface - 'good guy' or hero wrestler
heat - a strong negative reaction from a crowd
pop - a strong round of applause or positive reaction from a crowd
angle - as explained above, the storylines behind why specific wrestlers are fighting
face turn/heel turn - a character changing from good to bad, or vice versa
bump - a part of a match where a wrestler falls or otherwise puts himself in harm's way (ie - he took tons of crazy bumps in that match)
shoot - anytime a wrestler breaks character and does something completely legitimate, be it speaking as himself in an interview, or accidentally injuring his opponent
work - anything in wrestling that is scripted. The vast majority of what goes on in pro wrestling is "a work" or "worked"
stiff - a wrestler who is so real in the ring, he tends to genuinely inflict pain on his opponent, or an exceptionally rough move (ie - man, he really stiffed him). OR could be a term for a crappy, slow wrestler with no fluidity
workrate - used to describe the realism/quality of an individual wrestler's performances
swerve - when an angle appears to be going in a very specific direction, then goes the complete opposite way suddenly and unexpectedly (I think this one makes more sense when used/seen in context)

I THINK that about covers it. Anything else, I'll explain as I go.

WRESTLEMANIA 1

Wrestlemania 1

Madison Square Garden (New York, New York)

Original airdate: March 31, 1985

So here it is. The beginning. The patient zero of pay per view professional wrestling. And much like I am trying to do with this blog (which I'm sure 2 people will read, but I digress), the WWF was clearly still trying to "iron out the kinks" at this point. While watching this show, I was going back and forth in my head as to how to format the blog. My initial thought was to do a straight forward list of the matches and review each one individually, but that seems too hacky. So what I think I'm going to do is just write my various jumbled thoughts on the show freeform, and then list the results at the end of the entry. That leaves me a lot more freedom to write about different PPVs from different angles, and in some cases, actually come up with an interesting angle from which to write about a crappy, uninteresting show. (if my memory serves me correctly, this will be a particular problem from about 1993-96. Those were dark years for the company).

And much like I am currently doing on a 1000000000000000000000% smaller scale, the WWF was clearly trying to find their identity a bit with the very first Wrestlemania. Don't get me wrong, the seed of genius is CLEARLY there. It wouldn't have lasted 26 years and counting if it wasn't. But it wasn't quite sussed out yet.

There are a couple of problems. One is that (at least to me, the actual product (wrestling) isn't quite up to par yet. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly some great workers on the card. Ricky Steamboat is rightly regarded as one of the greatest of all time, but here he is paired in an extremely forgettable 5 minute match with a generic heel named Matt Borne (Borne eventually acheived some degree of fame years later portraying Doink, an evil clown, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it). There are also an abundance of wrestlers who, while not anywhere near legendary status, were certainly solid WWF fixtures for many years. Case in point: Tito Santana. Tito, who spent about a decade being good (not great) in the company has the honor of kicking off the show against a masked wrestler named The Executioner. I consider myself a near expert on modern era WWF trivia, but that one stumped me. I had to look up who portrayed the Executioner. Turns out it was "Playboy" Buddy Rose, who spent most of the remainder of his career (before his untimely death) poking fun at his own weight problem. The Executioner must have been extremely shortlived. His match with Tito is just as forgettable.

I think the other thing that makes this show less than memorable is the lack of angles. I'm not really sure how much to explain wrestling lingo, since I'm not sure who (if anyone) will read this, but for the unitiated, an "angle" is the story behind the fake fights in wrestling. In many ways, they're very comparable to much more testosterone laden soap operas. Anyway, there weren't a ton of angles leading into the first Wrestlemania. While Vince Mcmahon clearly had a vision to wed wrestling with other popular culture (WM1 features appearances by singer Cyndi Lauper, "musician" Liberace, Yankees legend Billy Martin, and then extremely popular actor Mr T), but I don't quite think he had the right vision for his own product yet. But that would come in time, obviously. I don't even think they really had the right grasp on production values yet. Everything is way too dark, and little things are distracting, like the fact that the ring ropes are clearly too loose.

The main event serves as a nice glimpse into what is to come, though. It pits Hulk Hogan and the aforementioned Mr T against Rowdy Roddy Piper (who still had some good years with WWF left ahead of him) and Mr Wonderful Paul Ordorff (who would be out the door within a year or two). It's by no means a gem or an all time classic match, but the crowd is clearly more invested in it than any of the other bouts. And while Hulk was still maybe 2 years off from being the full fledged phenomenon he would eventually turn into, you could tell people had already gotten behind him a fair amount. Plus, the inclusion of T was a clever bit of cross promotion, Unlike the women's match, which essentially served as an extended commercial for Cyndi Lauper's song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".

All in all, a good start and certainly extremely important in a historical sense, but not an essential event in any way, unless you consider yourself a total WWF completist (which I guess I will be when this blog is said and done) or if, like me, you can't get enough of the Iron Sheik refering to "Mean" Gene Okerlund as "Gene Mean".

Card:

Tito Santana def. The Executioner

King Kong Bundy def. Special Delivery Jones

Ricky Steamboat def. Matt Borne

David Sammartino (w/Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ

The Junkyard Dog def. Intercontinental Champion Greg Valentine by countout (Valentine retains)

Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (w/Classy Freddie Blassie) def. The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) (w/ Capt. Lou Albano) to win the Tag Team Championships

Andre The Giant def. Big John Studd (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) in a "15,000 dollar Bodyslam Challenge"

Wendi Richter (w/Cyndi Lauper) def. Leilani Kai (w/The Fabulous Moolah) to win the Womens Championship

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (w/ "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka) def. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and "Mr Wonderful" Paul Orndorff (w/ "Cowboy" Bob Orton)

A brief intro

I've been a wrestling (the "fake" kind) fan on and off my entire life. I'm not even entirely sure why. It's just something I got into when I was maybe 3 years old and never truly got out of. I very vividly remember watching 3 or 4 hours of wrestling EVERY Saturday morning during the hours most kids watched cartoons. There was Wrestling Challenge, then WWF Superstars of Wrestling, then some cruddy WCW show, then it was time to go out and play. The amazing thing is these shows were extremely unexciting in retrospect. It was mostly established stars wrestling no name "jobbers" and not very much was done to advance the soap opera like storylines that I could never get enough of.

As I got a little older, I'd save the money I made doing chores around the house and occasionally get my mother to let me purchase one of the WWF's then quarterly pay per views. It was a BIG event to do that back then. You had to go down to the cable company, pick up a special box to hook up to your tv just for that night, then take it back in the morning. And despite the fact that it is certainly a conventionally "dorky" thing to be into (probably moreso now), my stepdad was cool enough to take me to whatever live shows WWF ran close to us, including Raw once around 1996 (the salad days of their next big crop of stars like The Rock, Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin)

ANYWAY, at some point in like 2006, after a lengthy absence from having anything to do with wrestling, I gradually got back into it again. It started with checking out some old late 80's pay per views for nostalgia purposes. Then I decided to order the Royal Rumble, because that was always my favorite of their shows. Then it was Wrestlemania. Then I started dabbling in the WWE's weekly shows again. That was when it started getting out of control again. Now, I can fully admit to being obsessed again. I watch all WWE and TNA (a veeeeeery distant second to WWE in terms of mainstream popularity) programming and regularly attend shows run by a variety of other "indie" organizations (which is made tremendously simple now that I live a mere 10 minute walk from the old ECW arena).

Since then, I've always toyed with the idea of doing a wrestling blog, but I certainly don't think I'm clever enough to distinguish myself from the other dorks who write long detailed blogs about the business using nerdy mark terms like "workrate" or "pop".

But then the idea for the gimmick behind this blog hit me. And yes, I can freely admit it is a total gimmick. I'm going to watch every Pay Per View event the WWF has ever run, and write about them as I go. This seems right for a multitude of reasons. One is that it will be like taking a walk through my 26 year old life. Wrestlemania 1, the very first pro wrestling pay per view, aired on March 31, 1985. I was 1 year and 24 days old at the time. This gave me the idea that maybe as I go through these, it will trigger some personal reflections of growing up, since I essentially grew up along with that particular company.

So here goes nothing. Obviously the first couple years will go by without too many entries since less than 5 ppv's a year ran until the early 90's. If I can, I'll try to keep it interesting by approaching these in different ways. Maybe I'll even have some guest writers if I watch a certain show with someone else. So yeah...let's do this. Someone bring out the Fink for some ring intros.

Note: I'm putting no time frame on how often I'll be able to watch these. Realistically, working around my job and everything else, it will probably be just a couple shows a month. We'll see.