(THE FIRST) Summerslam

Summerslam 1988
Madison Square Garden (New York, NY)
Original Airdate: August 29, 1988

I'm the worst. I know it. If you follow this blog, you know it. It has been months. But despite what you probably believed, I did NOT give up on this project. I just let a lot of things get in the way of it, namely getting laid off from my job and sleeping until 1 PM every day. I must be the only person on Earth who lost his job and as a result, somehow found LESS time for his silly leisure activities. I honestly watched Summerslam probably 6 weeks ago, so I really have no excuse for not coming on here and rambling for a couple thousand words much sooner. So if you've stuck with me, thank you kindly. I would like to issue a sincerely good hearted promise to update more often, but odds are that would probably just be an unintentional lie.

WWF was cooking full steam at this point. Clearly a 4th pay per view was needed (although I guess since the first Royal Rumble was on cable, it would have been the 3rd. Whatever. Semantics). So here we have the first Summerslam, an exciting pay per view extravaganza set to take place in the otherwise fairly deplorable month of August. It was also Vince Mcmahon's big "ef you" to NWA (soon to be WCW)'s "Starrcade" pay per view, but I don't want to get into the WWF/WCW wars quite yet. Either way, it really could not have come at a better time. WWF TV at the time was limited in how much exposition it could provide for championship caliber storylines. The champion did not appear on the weekly television programs often. So a new pay per view provided an excellent oppurtunity to further the Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage storyline, which, if you can remember waaaaay back to my previous entry, is the subject of my current concentration.

So in between Wrestlemania and 'Slam, Macho Man and The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase continued to feud for Macho Man's new WWF championship. Hulk Hogan was off doing his own thing until he was attacked by both Andre The Giant and Dibiase during an interview. His response was of course to challenge them to a tag team match at Summerslam and as a partner, he of course he chose his storyline best friend, the Hulkster. Thus, one of the most well known tag teams ever (at least to wrestling nerds), The Mega Powers, was born.

There was no hint of dissension between Macho Man and Hulk leading up to the event. It appeared them and their manager, Miss Elizabeth, were the tightest, most effective unit in pro wrestling. And in fact, when the event rolled around, it took all three of them to get the win over the newly named "Mega Bucks". The odds were stacked against them going in, as in addition to the aptly named Andre The Giant, Dibiase also had his "bodyguard (read: slave)" Virgil as well as sneaky heel manager Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and heel leaning color commentator (and future governor of Minnesota and nutcase) Jesse "The Body" Ventura as the match's special guest referee.

The end of the match came when Elizabeth distracted Ventura by ripping off her skirt to reveal her underwear underneath. Macho Man hit his signature flying elbow and Hogan his leg drop, and it was over. All is well that ends well, right? Good triumphs over evil? Well no...unless you've been living under a rock, that ultimately doesn't turn out to be the case. A couple of seeds are being planted here: One is that one of Macho Man's ultimate reasons for turning on Hogan is that he is suspicious of Hogan's intentions toward Elizabeth (although as the heel, he obviously ends up just being painted as bitter and insecure. At this time, there were very clear good guy/bad guy lines). Interestingly enough, this may have been a bit of an extension of real life, as most reports from backstage sources at the time say Savage was very protective of Elizabeth (his real life wife at the time) and could also be quite jealous. I'm not sure if some writer picked up on that and put it into this storyline, but it's certainly interesting to consider.

The second reason for the breakup of the Mega Powers was plain jealousy on the part of Savage. He starts to claim he is playing unnecessary second fiddle to Hogan. This is a fairly common method for breaking up tag teams in the wrestling world, but the way it was allowed to slow burn in this case was, in my opinion, brilliant. While, as previously stated, there were no outward signs of tension between the two at this event, the beginnings were there. There were two major seeds planted:

1) The fact that the champion was booked in a tag team bout at one of the biggest shows of the year. It could have just been a way to get Hogan (who was arguably still their biggest draw) into the main event, but I think it was clever booking to make the Savage heel turn seem more believable. "Why should I have to share the main event with anyone else?" would clearly be the character's eventual mode of thinking.

2) Hogan is the one that gets the pinfall to end the match. Once again, very subtle, but in my opinion, very intentional. I suppose it is a possibility I am giving the writers too much credit here, but I really don't think so.

So there we have it. A win for the Mega Powers, but things begin to come unglued pretty quickly in the coming months. The keyword here is months. I know I might be humping the same point a bit here, but it is worth repeating that there are NO angles like this anymore. I can think of at least 5-10 times in the past couple years WWE or TNA has broken up a tag team for no real reason (seemingly just because they no longer want them to be a tag team). A couple of examples:

-Generation Me, a talented, acrobatic team of real life brothers who worked together in various independent promotions, signed with TNA and were broken up within about a year of entering the promotion. Suddenly one day, the older brother in the team, Max, decided he wanted to be a singles champion. There was no real rhyme or reason to it and the ensuing feud between the two was buried very very quickly. By contrast, the breakup of The Rockers (a late 80's - early 90's tag team to whom Generation Me owes a lot of their image/moves) was handled gradually and organically through miscommunications that eventually led to Rocker Shawn Michaels getting fed up and throwing his partner through a window on WWF television (one of the best, most compelling moments in WWF history in my opinion. More on that later)

-More recently, WWE put together the team of Miz and R-Truth and had them main event one of the bigger matches of recent years against John Cena and the returning Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Shortly thereafter, The Miz turned on Truth. Now I'm not sure whether this is leading to Truth turning face or not (he is currently suspended for violating the company wellness policy), but I just don't understand why they had to be pulled apart so quickly. The Miz has a title match at the next WWE pay per view, so I guess they wanted to make sure he had something to do on television during Truth's suspension, but Truth could have been written off TV any number of ways that didn't involve Miz turning on him. But that is representative of the overall problem with today's WWE programming and my reason for talking about the Hogan/Savage feud to begin with - EVERYTHING IS RUSHED NOW TO THE POINT WHERE NOTHING IS ALLOWED TO MAKE AN IMPACT. I hate to sound all old and "get off my lawn" about this, but I really think I am right here.

A couple more notes before I wrap this one up:

The first match on this card is an absolute barnburner between the British Bulldogs and the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers. They work a 20 minute broadway (time limit draw) which no one does anymore, complete with some great back and forth chain wrestling and really solid ring psychology. I know I stressed in earlier entries that the Dynamite Kid is one of the unheralded best wrestlers of all time, but watch that match and tell me I'm wrong. It's a shame the Bulldogs were nearing the end of their WWF run here and Dynamite was nearing the end of his career. His partner and cousin, Davey Boy Smith, managed a few more good years before completely self destructing himself.

The second match on this card is between Bad News Brown and former Olympic power lifter Ken Patera. Neither of them could do much of anything in the ring, so if you are watching this show and want to get a sandwich or use the bathroom or something, this is probably your best oppurtunity. That having been said, I'd like to point out Bad News Brown as one of the odd examples of casual racism that would come up from time to time during this period of WWF.

Bad News Brown's real name was Allen Coage. He was an African American gentleman from Calgary Alberta Canada who apparently had a genuine tough streak. He was an Olympic Bronze Medalist in Judo in 1976. Also, in a now legendary tale that Bret Hart confirmed in his autobiography, News was once called a racial slur by Andre The Giant on a tour bus, and in response, got the driver to stop the bus and demanded Andre come outside and fight him. Now Andre wasn't 800 lbs or whatever they billed his weight to be, but he was still a very very large man, and to a casual observer, this seems either super cocky or borderline suicidal. But guess what? As the story goes, not only did Andre not get off and fight News, he later apologized.

Anyway, I digress. News came up in Calgary's Stampede wrestling promotion as "Bad News Allen". However, when he signed with WWF, he was saddled with the new hometown of "Harlem New York", a finishing move called "the ghetto blaster" and the new moniker of "Bad News Brown", just in case anyone forgot that he was indeed an African American. I don't know that this was so much outward racism so much as Vince Mcmahon not believing at the time that his audience could handle any sort of subtle characters. I guess I could go on about this, but I've written quite a bit, so I think I'll call it a night. I've just always wondered why the Bad News Brown character was necessary. Maybe I'll talk about it further another time. In the meantime, good night.

PS - Bad News Brown died in 2007. He lived to be a semi-advanced age (63), but he is still another in the ever growing list of wrestlers from this era to die of a heart attack/heart failure. I didn't love his work in the ring, but it is still sad. RIP.

Card:
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) fought The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond to a time limit draw
Bad News Brown def. Ken Patera
"Ravishing" Rich Rude def. The Junkyard Dog by disqualification
The Powers Of Pain (The Warlord and The Barbarian)(w/The Baron) def. The Bolsheviks (Boris Zhukov and Nikolai Volkoff)(w/Slick)
The Ultimate Warrior def. The Honky Tonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart) to win the Intercontinental Championship
Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin) def. "The Rock" Don Muraco
Demolition (Ax and Smash)(w/Mr. Fuji and Jimmy Hart) def. The Hart Foundation (Bret "The Hitman" Hart and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart) to retain the Tag Team Championships
The Big Boss Man (w/Slick) def. "The Birdman" Koko B. Ware
Jake "The Snake" Roberts def. Hercules
The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage)(w/Miss Elizabeth) def. The Mega Bucks ("The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase and Andre The Giant)(w/Virgil and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan)

Next up: a brief detour into indie wrestling (my day at the first Chikara iPPV)

Wrestlemania 4

Wrestlemania 4
Boardwalk Hall (Atlantic City, NJ)
Original Airdate: March 27, 1988

As I mentioned in the Macho Man tribute, the next few entries will have bit of an arc.

Some background to said arc: At Wrestlemania 4 the Macho Man won the WWF championship by winning several matches in a single elimination tournament (if you haven't caught this now 23 year old event yet, I wholeheartedly apologize for the spoiler). Hulk Hogan directly contributed to this win. Directly following this, Macho Man and Hogan formed a tag team known as the "Mega Powers". This lasted for awhile until Macho Man eventually turned heel and (unsuccessfully) attempted to defend his belt against Hogan the next year at Wrestlemania 5.

"Why are we going to devote several entries to this?", you may ask. Well, mostly because it is something that simply isn't done in the WWE anymore. The increase to monthly pay per views has made such a slow building story more or less impossible to pull off without people losing interest. In addition, in my humble opinion, the product has adapted to the times and become much to the point. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying pro wrestling was ever some sort of complex, layered brew. But as I'd like to think I'll prove in the next few entries, there was a lost subtlety to it that I didn't catch as a kid.

So first let's set the scene, then attempt to put it in a greater context. The WWF championship had been vacated. In storyline, Andre The Giant had been paid by the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase to beat Hulk Hogan for the belt and then give it to him. (a quick aside: I don't think I've mentioned Dibiase yet, but he is another one of the unsung heroes of this WWF era. His character, an egotistical billionaire, was totally cutting edge at the time, and he played it to perfection) With the help of an evil twin referee (honestly, it's tough to even explain. Download the appropriate episode of "The Main Event" if you want to see how it all went down) Andre did just that. But in storyline, due to all the confusion, the belt was held up. In order to crown a new champion, it was announced that a single elimination tournament would be held at Wrestlemania. This was a stroke of genius that made Wrestlemania 4 possibly the most engaging 'Mania to date. Hogan vs Andre was clearly the biggest marquee main event, but to have most of the matches on the show between guys in pursuit of the world title added high stakes and an element of intrigue that had previously been absent.

It was within this engaging premise where the first seeds of the Macho Man/Hulk Hogan rivalry were planted. The tournament featured 10 wrestlers. A few of which were clearly filler and never had a shot (Dino Bravo, Butch Reed, etc). Now, obviously I was little young to remember the buzz leading up the event and this was long before there were 100000000 internet wrestling "rumor" sites, but I have to think most people believed the winner would be Hogan, Andre, Macho Man, or MAYBE Dibiase. Maybe there was a dark horse, but from what I've seen and what I can tell, those were the guys who were over enough to pull off the title win at the time. But surely most didn't expect what ended up happening, which was (spoiler alert for a 23 year old show) Hogan and Andre eliminating each other in their match.

Well needless to say, Macho Man goes on to defy the odds and win several grueling matches (the last against Dibiase) to become the new WWF champion. However, Hulk Hogan comes out before the end of the Dibiase match to prevent outside interference against the Macho Man. At the time, surely in storyline, it seemed Hogan was performing a selfless act to protect his good friend from getting screwed. In fact, this gesture on the part of Hogan starts a tag team partnership with Savage. Known as the "Mega Powers", they would go on to a few months of high profile angles (more on that later).

This is where the all important psychology element of wrestling comes in. In storyline, we're led to believe Macho Man starts to feel his title reign in Hulk's shadow. After all, he needed Hulk's help to win the belt in the first place. After a time, an element of jealousy involving Macho Man's manager (and real life wife) Miss Elizabeth, also enters into the equation. But at the end of Wrestlemania 4, there is absolutely no sign of any of this. Not even a subtle dirty look shot toward Hogan. That is what I feel is missing from a lot of today's mainstream wrestling. If the writers want a guy to turn heel, they'll have him start scowling or hit one of his former friends with a chair or cut a promo denouncing the fans or something. While I can't know what went on in the creative meetings back then, I firmly believe going into Wrestlemania 4, they already knew their Wrestlemania 5 main event was going to be Hulk Hogan vs The Macho Man. But they knew they had a year to build it, so they did nothing but plant the first very vague seeds of discontent between the storyline best friends. It was a completely engaging angle, and still one of my personal favorites of all time. And it was just getting started.

Finally, while I try to make all of my entries in this blog have a pretty definitive arc, there ARE a couple of small random observations/asides I would like to add to this one before I move on:

-This event took place about 5 minutes from where I grew up, and I often which I'd been old enough to attend this or Wrestlemania 5, which took place in the same building. It'd be a cool story to tell other wrestling nerds.

-the first match on the card featured Bret "The Hitman" Hart, who was previously a hated heel tag team wrestler turning on another heel named Bad News Brown. This was basically his first exposure as a singles wrestler, and it is significant because he would go on to carry the company on his back for a few years following the departure of Hogan. but more on that later.

Card:
Bad News Brown won a 20 man battle royal (other participants: Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Boris Zhukov, B. Brian Blair, "Dangerous" Danny Davis, George "The Animal" Steele, Harley Race, Hillbilly Jim, Jacques Rougeau, Jumpin Jim Brunzell, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Jim Powers, Junkyard Dog, Ken Patera, Nikolai Volkoff, Paul Roma, Raymond Rougeau, "The Outlaw" Ron Bass, Sam Houston, Sika)

First round tournament matches:
"The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase (w/Virgil and Andre The Giant) def. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
"The Rock" Don Muraco (w/"Superstar" Billy Graham) def. Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin)by disqualification
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart) def. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
"Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) def. "The Natural" Butch Reed (w/Slick)
One Man Gang (w/Slick) def. Bam Bam Bigelow (w/Oliver Humperdink) by countout
"Ravishing" Rick Rude (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) fought Jake "The Snake" Roberts to a time limit draw

The Ultimate Warrior def. Hercules (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan)

Quarter Final tournament matches:
Hulk Hogan fought Andre The Giant (w/Ted Dibiase and Virgil) to a double disqualification
Ted Dibiase def. Don Muraco
Randy Savage def. Greg Valentine

Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake def. Intercontinental champion The Honky Tonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart and Peggy Sue)by disqualification
The Islanders (Haku and Tama) and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan def. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) and "The Birdman" Koko B Ware

Semi-Final Tournament match:
Randy Savage def. One Man Gang

Demolition (Ax and Smash)(w/Mr. Fuji) def. Strike Force (Tito Santana and Rick Martel) to win the WWF Tag Team Championships

Tournament Final:
Randy Savage def. Ted Dibiase to win the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Next up: (THE FIRST) Summerslam

AN OPEN LETTER TO 2010 HULK HOGAN

Dear Hulkster,

I'd like to start out by saying I have the utmost respect for you. Any serious wrestling fan should. Your influence in shaping what the industry is today can not be overstated. You were absolutely larger than life for a few years and besides maybe The Rock, no one has even come close to what you did in terms of transcending "sports entertainment" and becoming an all around omnipresent pop culture icon. While I always preferred the Ultimate Warrior in my younger years (what can I say? He was colorful and yelled a lot), somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew that when you told me to train, say my prayers, and eat my vitamins, I should probably take heed.

But gradually, you faded from the spotlight. That's ok. It happens to everyone. While stories of Vince Mcmahon underpaying his guys in the old days are legendary, I have to believe you did ok for yourself. In addition to the huge paydays for headlining basically every pay per view for about 5 years, your likeness graced EVERYTHING. I'm pretty sure we were one wayward marketing pitch away from having Hulk Hogan condoms at some point. So unless you had the worst lawyer on the face of god's green Earth, you had to have come away from those prime years in the WWF at least FAIRLY comfortable. Right? RIGHT?

Well guess what? It didn't matter. A few years after it looked like you were done being relevant, you reinvented yourself. Around 1996, with WCW, you made everyone's jaw drop by becoming a villian for the first time in close to 15 years. And not only did you become a villian, you became the head villian, leading your group, the NWO, to major storyline success in WCW as well as major real life success against the WWF. Fueled by the ratings at least MOSTLY generated by you, the WCW gained a heavy lead in their head to head battle with Vince, and by some accounts, almost won.

Then the inevitable happened again. The NWO ran out of steam and once again, people lost interest. But something different happened this time. There were signs that you were reluctant to take on more of a part time role and let the younger guys shine. Even though you were 47 years old (no spring chicken, especially in wrestling terms) by the time you exited from WCW, you were starting to exhibit lots of signs that you weren't into being a team player. The NWO was often granted exceedingly large portions of the show to stand and the ring and talk endlessly about nothing in particular, often at the expense of some of the younger, up and coming talent (and WCW had a ton at the time. Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit anyone?)

And guess what Hulkster? I don't think this was all your fault. From the moment you got to WCW, I think everyone in charge inflated your head and constantly reminded you of what you did for Vince and the WWF. Then you managed to ONCE AGAIN carry a company to huge success, although for a much briefer period. So at some point, between those two amazing periods of success, it was probably very easy to start believing your own hype and thinking Hulk Hogan was superhuman and incapable of failure.

So what happened after that? I mean, I don't think it would be overly critical or unfair to say that 1996-1997 in WCW was the last gasp of your "glory days". But like the great, true showman you are, you STILL managed to squeeze out a couple more brief stints in the spotlight. For several years, you and your family had a successful reality show. While purists would argue this isn't necessarily a "good" sort of fame, it was a way to stay in the public eye and keep earning, which is clearly what you've strived for most this past decade. So if this accomplished what you wanted, good for you I guess. Even though it ended up casting a bigger public eye on your son's troubles with the law and your messy divorce.

You also made occasional appearances with the WWE again for several years. The biggest was of course your match against The Rock at Wrestlemania in 2002. And guess what? That's awesome. That's a dream match all us wrestling nerds were dying to see. And it didn't matter who won, because you guys were both already superstars. Good for you, Vince, The Rock and whoever else for recognizing the potential for a huge payday with that one and taking advantage of it. But I think most people would agree that probably should have been it for you in terms of high profile matches. You were almost 50 at the time and not exactly in peak physical shape. At this point you couldn't count all your surgeries on two hands, and your knees were already not well in 2002.

So what then? Well I certainly understand the need to continue earning. Especially when you feel your name/brand are still financially viable. But at some point, you'd think it would be time to take a secondary role. You've done a lot in this business and made a lot of money for a lot of people. Because of that, I'm sure there would have to be a decent office/executive job for you SOMEWHERE. And there would always be the option to make occasional appearances. The WWE does plenty with the group of "legends" they have on the payroll. But they don't put the "legends" in the middle of big storylines. They leave that for the younger/healthier guys (author's note: a recent storyline with Chris Jericho and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat is a rare exception. But it turned out Steamboat was still in tremendous shape and could still do almost all of his moves from the 80s. Hogan, on the other hand, can honestly barely walk at this point).

Instead, you gathered every washed up has been and never was wrestler you could get your hands on and staged the "Hulkamania" tour of Australia. The main event every night? You vs 'The Nature Boy" Ric Flair. What's your combined age? 120? Come on man. Let it go. You meant everything to this business . Now instead of bowing out and maybe becoming involved in a lower profile manner, you head to Australia and wrestle a dude in his 60's? Geez man. That's getting awful close to Randy "The Ram" Robinson territory, don't you think?

Which brings us to the present, and the reason I started this letter in the first place. At the beginning of this year, you signed a deal to be one of the bigwigs at TNA (Total Nonstop Action).
TNA is the second biggest wrestling company in the nation. But let's not kid ourselves here Hulk. It's a DISTANT second. There is a weekly television show, but it draws somewhere between 1-2 thousand people in the live crowd, as opposed to Monday Night Raw, which is regularly upwards of 15. There is a pay per view every month, but the buyrates are a fraction of what WWE does for even the lamest show.

So the powers that be decided to bring in the Hulkster, as well as your WCW partner in crime Eric Bischoff to spruce things up. Done right, this could have worked wonders. A veteran presence like Hulk Hogan mentoring some of the amazing young talent in TNA like The Motor City Machine Guns, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles seems like a can't miss proposition, right?

But man...I don't know when the hints of ego you showed in the 90s turned into a full fledged complex, but they sure as hell did. Your first two orders of business when you got to TNA were as follows:

-Ignored the wealth of young and in some cases homegrown talent and gave jobs to ALL your middle aged (and in some cases even older) friends, regardless of their history of drug addiction and unreliability (Scott Hall and Sean Waltman) or the fact that they literally gained about 200 lbs and look like beached whales (The Nasty Boys). Not surprisingly, almost all of these guys have been let go within a year, but that doesn't seem to stop your overarching need to live in the past.

-Secondly, you started taking personal pot shots at Vince Mcmahon and moved TNA Impact from its longtime home on Sundays to go head to head with Monday Night Raw. How long did that last? a month? There's that ego again. You couldn't just have your job and make TNA the best it possibly can. You have an insane thirst to live up to your glory days and be the best, even if you are in a position/with a company that doesn't really have the means to make that a reality.

Cut to this past October. I was watching Bound For Glory, which TNA markets as its big ticket pay per view event, comparable to Wrestlemania (a laughable comparison, but whatever). Your main event could have been a classic. It was a triple threat match between Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, and Mr Anderson. Jeff Hardy, while not a personal favorite of mine, is probably one of the most popular wrestlers of the past 5 years, and can steal the show on any given night. Mr Anderson, in my opinion, can and should be a world champion. He has interview/mic talents that I think rival the best in the business. As a heel, he reminded me a lot of The Rock. He has charisma to spare and can play the guy you "love to hate" absolutely perfectly. And Kurt Angle's talent can not be overstated. He is getting a little long in the tooth himself, but is still tremendously conditioned, and doubtlessly one of the 5 best active American wrestlers.

But instead of letting these three immensely talented atheletes do their thing, the match ended with...ummm...you and Eric Bischoff in the ring for some weird reason. And youultimately....are you ready for this?.....TURNED HEEL. And later you revealed your sinister plan to take over TNA from the inside. Man Hulk...this is sounding awfully familiar. In case you don't see where I'm going with this, let's do a little side by side comparison:

Looks similar no? Just with different supporting players. And that brings me to the overall point of this unexpectedly longwinded letter. It's time to stop, Hulk. I read the episode of Impact after your most recent heel turn did the best ratings in the history of the show. And that's great. But what does that really mean in the long run? I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I'm 99.9999% certain this record setting TNA audience was a fraction of the viewers you were drawing in the heyday of the NWO. And if that's your high water mark, then what now? I'll tell you what now. People are going to grow tired of you rehashing your glory days. I don't think it takes a crystal ball to see that. You're toxic now Hulk. You took what could have been a fun refreshing alternative to WWE and you're in the midst of sinking it with yours and Bischoff's massive egos. Mark my words. A year from now, give or take a few months, people will tire of seeing your old leathery face constantly on TNA tv and they will change the channel.

I'm no shrink, but to me it seems like you feel that if you're out of the public eye for too long, people will forget all the great things you did all those years ago. For me at least, the opposite is true. The more you embarass yourself in 2010, the less seriously I can take all your great moments from years past. Anyway, that was just my 2 cents. I'm sure there's nothing anyone can do to change your mind about the direction you're taking TNA. And that's a shame.

Take Care Brother,
Chuck

WRESTLEMANIA 2

Wrestlemania 2

Nassau Coliseum (Uniondale, New York)

The Rosemont Horizon (Rosemont, Illinois)

LA Sports Arena (Los Angeles, California)

Original Airdate: April 7, 1986

Year number 2 of the WWF pay per view has begun. (Although, if you want to get technical, Wrestlemania 1 was only on PPV in select markets, so really the Wrestling Classic was the first nationwide PPV). For the second edition of the grandaddy of them all, it is clear Vince Mcmahon was looking for ways to outdo himself. In typical 1980's "more more more" fashion, it was decided that Wrestlemania 2 would be simulcast from 3 different locations spanning the whole country. And I'm not sure if I'm in the minority or not, but I consider this experiment to be a resounding failure. I suppose the powers that be did as well, because to my knowledge, this was the first and only time it was attempted.

I'll be blunt. I think this is one of the absolute weakest Wrestlemanias. I did when I first watched it as a young kid, and revisiting it this week did nothing to change my opinion. The first problem has to do with the format. The jumping of locations affords the show no flow whatsoever. And because it was so spread out, they also had to use 3 different announce teams. It would be charitable to say they scrape the bottom of the barrel with these. People like future Minnesota governor and paranoid nutjob Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Mcmahon himself are more than passable, but whose bright idea was it to give late night schlock horror tv host Elvira a microphone? A recurring trend (at least to me) in pro wrestling is the better the announcing, the more enjoyable the match, and I think this is really the first pay per view I watched where that rings true. I just wanted Elvira, Cathy Lee Crosby (WHO?) and a couple others to shut up (so much so that it took me out of the in ring action).

And there's not even a ton to be enthralled with in the ring, either. This show continues early WWF tradition of having way too many matches, to the point where no one is able to tell a good story in the ring. The opening match from Long Island between Paul Orndorff and Magnificent Muraco lasts less than 5 minutes and ends with a bizarre double countout. Nowadays, it is standard practice for a PPV to start with a high energy match that might go 15 minutes or something to really get the crowd involved. The Orndorff/Murcao match induced nothing in me besides a shrug and a slight yawn. The same goes for several of the other 11 bouts including a flag match between Corporal Kirchner (a second rate Sgt. Slaughter) and Nikolai Volkoff and a blinkandyoullmissit woman's match featuring the Fabulous Moolah. One of the few bright spots is a battle royal (a match where a whole bunch of guys are in the ring and the only way to lose is to get thrown over the top rope. last man standing wins) featuring some NFL players as well as future megastar Bret "The Hitman" Hart (making his first PPV appearance). I also liked the tag team title match where The British Bulldogs came away with the belts (despite his talent, this would prove to be the Dynamite Kid's only real taste of mainstream success) and the main event between Hulk Hogan and King Kong Bundy in a steel cage. It is an interesting, early prototype of the format that made WWF huge in the coming years, which was the Hulkster overcoming a seemingly impossible challenge, and triumphing in the name of all that is good and right. (this may sound like hyperbole, but Hulk Hogan really was that big at one time)

I also didn't like the fact that no ring entrances were included, as well as very few interviews or backstage segments. I think it served to make an already choppy show due to the different locations even choppier. I'm not sure if this is how the show was presented originally, but if so, it was definitely a misstep, and once again, to my knowledge, it was not one that was ever repeated.

So here we have, what was, for the most part, a step backwards, for Wrestlemania. But fear not, loyal readers (all 3 of you), we are about to enter an absolute prime period for WWF, where they began firing on all cylinders. And to me, this period began with Hulk Hogan and a 500 lb giant from the French Alps meeting face to face in front of 80,000 people. But hold on...we aren't quite there yet. Soon though. I advise you to put on your bright red Hulk Hogan bandanna in preparation.

Card:

(Nassau Coliseum)

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff fought The Magnificent Muraco to a double countout

"Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) def. George "The Animal" Steele to retain the Intercontinental Championsip

Jake "The Snake" Roberts def. George Wells

Mr. T (w/Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) def. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (w/ "Cowboy" Bob Orton and Lou Duva) by disqualification in a boxing match

(Rosemont Horizon)

The Fabulous Moolah def. Velvet McIntyre to retain the Womans Championship

Corporal Kirchner def. Nikolai Volkoff in a flag match

Andre The Giant won a 20 man battle royal, last eliminating Bret "The Hitman" Hart (other participants: Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, "Jumpin" Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino and Willaim "The Refrigerator" Perry)

The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (w/Ozzy Osbourne and Capt. Lou Albano) def. The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine) (w/ Johnny Valiant) to win the Tag Team Championships

(LA Sports Arena)

Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat def. Hercules Hernandez

Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) def. Uncle Elmer

Terry and Hoss Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart) def. The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

Hulk Hogan def. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) in a steel cage match to retain the World Championship

Next Up: The Big Event

A VICTORY FOR DEMOCRATS, AND GOOD WRESTLING

So I'm about halfway through my second pay per view, so that entry should be up soon, but to fill the gap, I thought I'd write quickly about yesterday, which could prove to be a fairly significant day in WWE history.

As most not living under a rock are aware, yesterday was midterm election day and some important races were decided across the US. My adopted home state of Pennsylvania swung Red, which is disheartening, but that is a discussion for another time. Anyway, anyone who follows the WWE (and probably anyone who makes a habit 0f watching the national news) knows, company CEO Vince Mcmahon's wife made a bid for a US Senate seat in her home state of Connecticut. And, well, as most people now know...she lost.



Obviously, I didn't know a ton about the particulars of the race, because it was not taking place in my home state, but to a casual observer, her loss certainly makes sense. Her previous political experience and qualifications for the job were dubious at best. Her campaign ads stressed her strong leadership of the WWE, some even explicitly said she "cleaned it up". Now, the inner workings and heirarchy of the company aren't abundantly clear to outsiders, but I, like most people, thought Vince was still pretty much the main guy, so I couldn't tell if these ads were just all hot air. Clearly most of Connecticut thought so. A lot of recaps of the election I've read this morning have indicated the Mcmahons more or less threw a ton of money at the wall and attempted to buy her this seat, and it didn't work.

All that aside, the notion that she "cleaned up the WWE" is the main thrust of this writing. Maybe 12-18 months ago, the WWE started on a very public campaign to tone down their product to achieve the rating of "TV-PG". Ostensibly, the reason given for this was to expand their potential advertisers, but I don't think it was too hard to see the truth. It was a calculated move made in concert with the start of Linda's campaign to win the Republican primary. It was clear her advisors wanted the product she peddles to come off as un-smutty as possible. The funny thing is, of COURSE it didn't work. Seemingly every knock on her came from her association with the WWE. That was going to happen no matter how family friendly they made WWE product, because ultimately, she has zero political experience. She has never been anything but the WWE guy's wife, so clearly any attacks or counterpoints toward her were going to take that and focus on it, whether her wrestlers were saying the word "ass" on television or not.

I'm not suggesting WWE product has to be needlessly tasteless at every turn, but I do think making everything as toothless as possible has done some damage. The picky choosy, slightly hypocritical nature of the censorship was sort of bothersome as well.

Some examples:

-Stone Cold Steve Austin's trademark catchphrase "can of whoop-ass" was censored in the 10 o clock tv hour. That's a word that can be said pretty much any time of the day on any channel. Hell, it's barely a curse word anymore. In fact, this summer, there was a MOVIE called "Kick Ass" with ads at every bus stop in the city of Philadelphia in plain view of folks of any age. Once again, I'd like to stress that I'm not advocating being tasteless just for the sake of it, but taking it insanely to the other extreme is not necessary either. The thrust of pro wrestling has always been to tell a story with engaging characters, and Stone Cold Steve Austin (one of the most popular characters in the entire history of the business) is a beligerent, trashmouthed redneck. Let him be who he is, especially when who he is made the company boatloads of money.

-Triple H has been one of the more popular wrestlers of the past 15 years. He is also famously married to Vince and Linda's daughter Stephanie (after spending some time with the ambiguously genitaliaed man beast known as Chyna, but that's neither here nor there), which essentially gives him carte blanche in the locker room and basically makes him part heir to the whole kingdom. Anyway, I thought it was suspect that in the midst of doing little nitpicky things like renaming John Cena's "F.U." finishing move "the attitude adjustment", Triple H was still allowed to parade around in a D-Generation X tshirt which read "World's Largest Member" (teeheehee). Is that really any more suggestive or "dirty" than calling a move "the F.U."? I certainly don't think so. But I guess we can write this one off as standard nepotism.

-the most puzzling to me (and I swear I'm not trying to score any points with the feminist community here) is the fact that the WWE female roster hasn't even been a little regulated. They're still allowed to jump around in next to nothing and strike all sorts of sexually suggestive poses on the way to the ring and mid-match. I'm certainly not offended by this. In fact, sometimes it's not half bad. The point I'm trying to make is these inconsistencies enforce the (apparently mis)calculated nature of this whole move.

So the logical question to conclude is "Where do we go from here?". Now that Linda's political aspirations are dashed, does the WWE head back to the status quo? My feeling is "yes". While I doubt they will ever go back to being as racy as the late 90's "Attitude era" (maybe the most commercially prosperous era of the company, but I'll get into that a lot more somewhere down the line), but I suspect the reins will get loosened fairly quickly. If it helps the story of a match to have a wrestler bleed, they will bleed. If it makes sense within the context of a wrestler's character for him to say "hell" or (GASP) "ass", he will. I may be completely offbase, but I think as far as wrestling fans go, this is the possible result for the Connecticut election. (even if the other guy lied about serving in Vietnam)